Ugly Matt Damon, Love Your Footlong, Spanking At The Goat Pen [Read This]

We can’t stand the idea of someone missing out on the love of their life…so each week we comb through Craig’s List Missed Connections for the stories that touch our hearts….

GEORGE: You Look Like A Weird Matt Damon – Woman Seeking Male

I’m looking for the guy who looks like Matt Damon’s ugly brother. You sorta look like Matt Damon but not as hot. I hope you’re not offended by that. I sometimes suffer from diarrhea of the mouth. It’s part of my charm. You kept looking at me while we were waiting in the line at the Liquor store. I didn’t get your number or name that night but I could tell you wanted to get dirty with me. If you remember who I am, I’m gonna be staying at a motel on Sugarland this week.

MO:  Foot Long – Man for Woman, Spring Branch. 

“You were the cute girl with glasses making sandwiches at the Subway on Clay. I ordered a black forest ham and couldn’t focus on toppings because of your gorgeous smile.

I don’t know how to flirt with girls while waiting in line for lunch.  I kept laughing to myself as I thought of football and extra meat pick-up lines, but they didn’t seem appropriate during the busy lunch hour.

Hopefully you troll Craig’s List posts during the slow periods. I hope you see this and drop me a line!”

(Umm…a true southern gentleman right here, ladies!  Spring Branch, let’s make this match happen! ❤ )

COWBOY DAVE:  Spanked You At The Zoo – Man For Woman, Houston

I’m mortified, but maybe I’m not sorry. You see my son and I were feeding the goats a few weeks back at the zoo, he’s 5…and I went to discipline my son who was throwing a fit because I didn’t want to get more goat food. I raised my hand to scold my son for his behavior when I accidentally spanked you by mistake.

Don’t ask me how it happened, but it did. What can I say, he’s wiley and I missed him and struck your firm, supple, bottom…and that’s not where the awkward ended… you turned around with shock & surprise on your face…

So To recap, I accidentally spanked the firm bottom of a noticeably pregnant women in the goat pen at the Houston Zoo…by accident.. but you didn’t yell or slap me… you just smiled and gave a smerk.

I also noticed you didn’t have a ring on. SO, let me say this… I’d like to apologize by buying you dinner at some place you hate – because maybe then you’ll throw a fit you’ll remember our first encounter

Everyone needs love – including these folks on Missed Connections.

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